Ten Minute Gardening

As a horticulturalist, it is assumed that I have the knowledge and skill to grow anything. Well, I have a confession to make. I can’t. I am a plant killer. Let me clarify that a little. I am a cardamom killer.

Back in the days of running a retail greenhouse operation, we had one greenhouse dedicated strictly to herbs. One of the herbs we grew and grew well, was cardamom. A friend, purchased a cardamom plant from us. Nearly ten years later, she has that same plant growing happily in her home. A year or so after I left the greenhouse industry, she gifted me with a division of her cardamom. It died. The next year, she again presented me with a cardamom division. It died too. The year after that, the same thing happened. And the year after that, and the year after that and, you get the picture. Once again, this summer, a cardamom took up residence in my greenhouse. It was dead within a week. Two weeks ago, I was presented with yet another cardamom plant. So far, it is still alive, but my conversations with this friend now begin something like “How are you? Is the cardamom dead yet?” No, it isn’t! Is the cardamom jinx over? Not likely. It’s probably just biding its time, lying in wait, ready to strike my plant, destroy my confidence and give my friend the last laugh, again. Excuse me, but am I not the one who spent thousands of hours, not to mention dollars, becoming a horticulturalist? Am I not the one who’s supposed to be able to excel at growing the most difficult of plants? Are my fingers not supposed to be the greenest of the green? So why does my friend succeed at growing cardamom while I fail at it miserably? Where is the justice? I keep reading all the information on growing cardamom indoors and scratching my head. I am doing and have done everything as directed in the growers’ manuals. But, the cardamoms keep dying. I wonder how long it will take this latest victim of mine to succumb here in the House of Cardamom Death?

This friend of mine is successful with goldfish too. Hers lived for years and years and years. I killed seven of them in two weeks. Maybe it’s in the water? Maybe that’s why I can’t grow cardamom? Or goldfish. If I tell myself that often enough……..no, I still won’t believe it. Though that would make sense. But I’ve tested the water, so it doesn’t make sense. Aaaggghhhh!